It's not like we can be responsible for our own thoughts. How can we? Thoughts just kind of pop in your head. You can say, "Oh, I shouldn't be thinking that," but that doesn't stop it from getting in there in the first place. Lots of crazy thoughts pop into our heads all day long. We have to make a decision if we want to follow through with them and make a fool of ourselves, or just replace them with other, less-crazy thoughts.

I bet I have at least three crazy thoughts every minute. One of those thoughts will usually be "this is crazy." I wonder why I'm tired. I bet I have borderline diabetes. It's all that soda I drink. Am I gonna die soon? Oh, I shouldn't say that. Knock on wood. Where is there something made out of wood? Just knock on your head. Man that guy looks hot. I want to take another look at him. I wonder if he will notice me. I'll walk down that same aisle again. Should I buy the entire Good Times series on DVD? When will I watch it? $49.95? I could buy a lot of groceries with that. I hate being poor. What's wrong with me anyway? I must be crazy.

Yesterday I was in a used bookstore checking out books on writing. Two young women were gabbing away at the other end of the aisle. One had a piercing, screechy tone to her voice. She was the kind of person who expected that everyone around her wanted to hear what she had to say. They were both just plain annoying, so I sent one of those looks down their way to let them know they were interrupting my silence. What I really wanted to say was "Shut the fuck up! God, we don't want to hear what you're talking about. We're in a bookstore you idiots. You're supposed to be quiet."

But I didn't. I controlled my crazy outburst.

Unfortunately, they must have interpreted my look as a romantic interest. They both came over and stood right next to me, pulling out a few books that they clearly had no interest in while continuing to talk. I had to walk away to reduce my temptation to bitch slap them both, and to let them know I wasn't interested.

Last night an episode of Desperate Housewives followed the life of a teenage boy who was abused by his mother. He later went on to murder women. It showed how a young child could turn into a monster if raised by a monster. I, of course, thought, my god, I could have turned out like that. Do I want to kill anyone? No, not really. I couldn't do it. I just don't have that much animosity toward someone that I would want to take their life. Let me see, in my mind let me imagine what it would be like. No, don't even go there. Why are you even thinking that? I bet other people think this stuff when they watch it on TV. This is crazy.

You never really know what's going on behind the many random faces you see each day. What looks like a housewife putting groceries into the trunk of her car could be a woman thinking about putting her husband into that same trunk. Maybe she already did the night before and is now shopping for one.

If you have one too many drinks, crazy thoughts can slip right from your lips. That's what bars are: a bunch of crazy people talking crazy to each other. Nobody really cares. You've been given the golden pass for the night. It's the next morning you have to worry about. Oh Lord, what did I say?

They say that idle minds are the devil's workshop, but I think he plays around in there all the time. It doesn't matter if you're busy. Sooner or later a new crazy thought will take over and barricade itself inside for a moment or two.

Why in the hell is "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" playing in my brain right now? They call this phenomenon an earworm; I call it the devil's recess. Sometimes you can get a song out of your head by thinking of another song. But then your mind tricks you into checking to see if the previous song is gone yet—which brings it right back in there again. Mercy.

What is the value of crazy thoughts? Who decides if they are crazy or not? Many crazy thoughts have gone on to become useful discoveries. I bet the wheel was a crazy thought at first. I bet selling water in a bottle was crazy too. Now it's a multi-billion dollar business. One summer I attempted to sell Dixie cups full of water after we ran out of lemonade for our lemonade stand. No one bought it, but who'd a thought.

Let's face it, we all benefit from crazy thoughts in some way or another. I know I have. It gave me another story to add to this book. It if weren't for crazy thoughts, how would we know what sane thoughts are?

Let's hear it for crazy thoughts!

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