(Washington, D.C.) December 19, 2014 -- A newly discovered virus that only infects smartphones appears to be spreading rapidly throughout the world after its first appearance outside of Beijing, China. Named "Scarechi," the virus has already caused the accidental deaths of dozens of people.

Authorities believe that the virus attached itself to an update to the popular SmoGo app, which helps citizens of China determine locations with safe, smog-free air quality. Since then it has spread to the U.K., India, and the U.S. where it is known to have killed at least sixty people.

"What the virus does is analyze a user's likes and dislikes, emails, and Internet searches, then plans various attacks," explains Marc Brenner at the Center for Smart Phone Safety. "They can range from violent and loud audio outbursts, texting people on the user's contact list, or insidiously noting emotional weaknesses in its victims, like Aashi Sarin from India who jumped to her death at the Malshej Ghat gorge where her sister had died years before."

Smartphone users are advised to read the short "Cell Phonies" from People Who Need To Die on Amazon.com to prevent their own phones from becoming infected. You should also, like, totally share this page above.

Other stories:

 People Who Need To Die (the complete book of short stories), Musings of a Dysfunctional Life, and In Search of Good Times.